Our pilgrimage has become a tradition now. We head out sometime either before or on Oliver's birthday and search for a small bear to buy in honour of his special day. While we were walking down town this morning, we talked about heaven, about Oliver. I was able to explain what happened to him again, and why he's not here with us. All the while I'm sure LittleBee's heart and mind were set on finding the most perfect gift.
The little store we visited was filled with an array of stuffed toys. LittleBee flited from basket to shelf, turning over each toy lovingly, searching the price tag thoughtfully, just waiting for the most perfect one. The shop owner pointed LittleBee over to a cute little golden puppy, sitting on a shelf all on his own. Immediately LittleBee's eyes lit up. "This is the one Mum"...
Tomorrow marks six years since we gave birth to our precious boy and said goodbye four short hours later.
LittleBee was only 2 and a half at the time.
I think it has become a bit of a healing tool for LittleBee. We had a chat about it on the way home (the BIG trek UP the hill again!!!) and she said that it doesn't make her feel sad. It makes her think about Oliver and all she really wants is to make sure that he is happy to be getting a present on his birthday. Because in her beautiful, innocent, eight year old logic, Oliver will be watching us tomorrow and if we don't have a gift for him, he might be sad.
And no one should be sad on their birthday.