Monday, October 22, 2012

waiting for a rainbow

Rainbows.  Those spectacular sights we see when the sun hits the rain at just the right spot.  And even though it sounds so simple, we never really can explain how it happens to work.  It's just a beautiful arc of colours that stretch across the sky, a symbol that things are going to get better.  That there is hope.

A beautiful rainbow in the sky usually always follow a storm.  And when you have weathered the storm, you can look at the rainbow and feel that sense of hope and appreciate it's beauty.

There are many storms in life, and a lot of the time it's almost impossible to see through the dark falling rain.  I know that after we lost Oliver, it seemed like there could never be any joy again.  The storm clouds were too thick and too heavy, and the rain was ever so persistent.  It seemed that our hope had left when Oliver had left us too.

After four long years of waiting, not knowing if we would ever know the joy of holding a new little one again, we were blessed with our very own "rainbow baby"... the symbol of hope for us that came after the heavy storm we faced.  LadyBug was our rainbow.  Although the clouds of grief sometimes still loomed overhead, we were able to look at this little being with amazement, that something so sweet, and beautiful, can come to us when the sky looked so bleak.

We are now expecting our second child since losing Oliver... I'm not sure if it's still classed as a "rainbow baby" but I like to think that every child we have is a glimmer of what can be.  Like a message from God that all is not forsaken.  That yes, there are storms that we need to weather, but He is faithful to see us through those storms and grant us the beauty of His gifts.

I'm nearly half way through this pregnancy already.  It's kind of hard to imagine that in less than 5 short months we will be holding a new little bundle, and appreciating a new little rainbow.  My heart still feels the looming of the storm clouds from time to time.  I am certainly not naive, and I know that at any moment, God may chose to have us go through another storm, and wait again for our rainbow.  There are times when I dread the thought of another loss, and then there are times where a little poke or nudge from the babe within fills me with a strange feeling that it really is all going to be ok.

So a new journey begins for us.  One that we can only hope is filled with the promise of a rainbow in the sky.

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